Unfollowing the Friendly

Monday, 9 February 2015

One of the better features of Facebook is the ability to unfollow someone. It is most useful when you don't want to resort to the dreaded unfriending, but you also don't want to endure another awful post from that friend. Below are the reasons you have been unfollowed on Facebook:

Children

It's great that you now have a living, breathing doll to dress up and parade outdoors. It's not great that you share every second of its life with anyone unfortunate enough to have friended you on Facebook. "Timmy is asleep." "Timmy is eating spaghetti." "Timmy is playing with his blocks." I swear if you tell me one more thing about Timmy I'll make him a freakin' orphan!

Spoilers

Oh, you just watched the latest episode of My Favourite Show, the one I recorded last night and haven't yet been able to watch. Please, tell me all about it while I casually browse my newsfeed. No, really. It only takes me five seconds to read your status update, but I'll save a whole 45 minutes later when I don't have to watch the actual show. Think of all the things I'll be able to do instead, like...oh who am I kidding? I'll still watch the show, but I won't enjoy it nearly as much as I otherwise could have. Thanks.

Couples

We get it, you're in love, but you don't have to constantly remind me. (Or are you just trying to convince yourself?) Unless you plan on including me in all aspects of your relationship - I love you, too, Snookums - I don't want to know about it. I have a wife, whom I declare love for every day. But I don't need to declare my love in front of you, nor do I need to live vicariously through your affections for Snuggle Muffins.

Cameron

Did you know...

I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 39 years old.